What If You Fly? Reclaiming Your Relationship with Alcohol, Food, and Identity

I recently had the opportunity to sit down with Pam McRae, who helps people change their relationship with alcohol. Not with rigid rules or shame-based systems, but by creating a safe space to explore the real why behind the habit. 

Her philosophy is rooted in compassion, curiosity, and the bold idea that asking for help is not weakness—it’s strength. 

From Isolation to Connection

For Pam, the journey began with her own transformation nearly eight years ago. After years of drinking, she finally reached a place where she knew change had to happen. But like many, she first tried to fix things on the surface—switching to a whole food, plant-based diet in hopes that wellness from the outside might quiet the unrest within.

It helped. She felt better. But underneath it all, alcohol was still there. Eventually, she recognized it was the next thing that had to go.

Now, Pam uses her lived experience to help others feel less alone. She’ll say, “I bought the t-shirt, resold it for more booze—and then finally broke the cycle.” 

Celebrate the 10 Minutes

One of Pam’s biggest insights is how often we resist celebrating small wins. We live in a society that tells us not to brag, not to shine too bright. But in recovery—or any lifestyle change—those tiny victories are everything.

For example, if you normally drink at 5 p.m., and you wait until 5:10, that’s success. That’s a win worth celebrating.

“Our brains need success to build trust,” she explains. “If we’ve spent years thinking we’re broken or undisciplined, celebrating a 10-minute victory starts to rewire those beliefs. It teaches us: ‘I can trust myself.’”

That lesson extends beyond alcohol. Pam draws parallels between alcohol and food—two areas where shame and guilt often derail progress. With alcohol, once you cut it off, the physical cravings usually subside. Food is trickier. You still have to eat, and every label, every social meal can be a minefield.

But again, Pam teaches grace. She says that if you make a choice that doesn’t align with your goals, ask yourself: what’s my next best step? No shame, just forward motion.

The Door Metaphor—and Why You Can Close It

Pam likens temptation to an open door. A sip, a snack, a slip-up—it’s all a crack in the door. But we always have a choice: will I fling it wide open, or gently close it and choose differently next time?

That door doesn’t negate your past success. You still did the work. You still earned those days, those milestones, that clarity. A slip-up isn’t failure—it’s data. What triggered you? What were you feeling? What can you learn?

Pam is also quick to point out that our identity can get tangled up in habits. You were the beer guy. The BBQ queen. The social drinker. When you decide to make a change, you’re not losing your identity—you’re expanding it.

You don’t have to erase who you were, she says. Just add new possibilities. Maybe you’re still the life of the party, but now you’re drinking sparkling water. You still show up—you just show up differently.

Curiosity Over Judgment

A theme Pam returns to again and again is curiosity. When we approach ourselves with curiosity instead of judgment, we unlock room for growth. You can’t feel shame and wonder at the same time. One contracts; the other expands.

That’s how you stay open, even in unfamiliar situations—the wedding, the vacation, the stressful workday. Instead of thinking I better not mess up, Pam encourages clients to think, Huh, I wonder how I’ll feel in this moment. I wonder what I’ll learn.

It’s a mindset that offers room to breathe—and room to change.

There Is Another Way

Pam believes deeply in offering people an alternative to shame-based recovery. Instead of focusing on what’s broken, she focuses on what’s possible. You are not weak. You are not bad. You are not broken. You are a person responding normally to an addictive substance in a society that normalizes addiction.

That awareness—that it’s not your fault—isn’t an excuse. It’s an invitation. It’s the first step in shifting your story and reclaiming your power.

So what would Pam say to someone who’s tripped one too many times and is tired of falling?

“First of all, congratulations—you’re becoming aware. And second, asking for help? That’s real strength.”

If you’re ready to try something new—whether with alcohol, food, or your own self-worth, remember Pam’s powerful reframe: What if you fly?

Check out my full conversation with Pam in this episode of the Get Out Of Your Own Way podcast below.

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